I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
