i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
