Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
