She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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