mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So much rum. So many feels.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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