I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
