Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
