I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
