I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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