i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
