from now on my penis is your penis
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
