he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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