I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
