phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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