That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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