I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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