That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
