Me too!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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