my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude. I can hear the air.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
