glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
