chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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