I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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