Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
