i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
