Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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