She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
