K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
