Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
