my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
