this just has baby written all over it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
