we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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