i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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