i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't deserve a penis
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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