i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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