What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
