they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
