One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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