Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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