I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
