Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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