Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
