Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
