I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
