my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
