____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
