You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
