Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
