I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
