Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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