Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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