You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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