1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
