wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
